Granny Undies and Slutpants

I’ve been staying at my mother’s since Christmas and today she told me she’s taking me shopping for underwear. I told her I was fine and had enough bras and knickers, but the woman insisted,  saying that my underwear “isn’t appropriate” for a pregnant woman.

Hold up.

This led me to question.. is there a point where I’m meant to stop wearing anything remotely sexy or feminine, and become more mature in my choice of attire?

I remember earlier on in my pregnancy,  I got changed to go out for lunch and came down the stairs, only to stop and catch my reflection in the mirror, then dart back upstairs quickly to exorcise whatever that hideous demon was in my reflection. At the time, without thinking, I’d chucked on a pair of white three quarter pants, a loose shirt, a floppy sunhat, jandles, and with a large striped tote bag and drinkbottle in hand, I only remember thinking one thing; “Oh, God.. it’s happened. I’ve become a mother.” I finally left the house after changing into a singlet and ditching the sunhat. I swore to myself I’d never let myself “dress all mummy.” And was very firm on the idea that it “just isn’t me.”

So are there really dos and don’ts when it comes to clothing a pregnant woman? Or, more importantly in this case, what to wear underneath it all?

Personally, I’m totally pro stripper gear during pregnancy. Why?

1. During pregnancy, your bladder, (among other body parts,) has a mind of its own. This causes urges to pee every five minutes. No, I’m not kidding. Every. God damn. Five. Minutes. Try bending with a protruding stomach when your bladder is about to burst to get your granny undies down to your ankles. Or simply unclip either side of your g-string and voila. Instant nakedness.

2. In the end, it doesn’t matter what style of underwear you go for; be it boy shorts or lacey knickers, your ass has grown so colossal in the past few months that it’ll gobble up them granny panties like the last supper. And I’m telling you.. it ain’t pretty. So let’s save the hassle of the constant wedgie battle and just tackle that issue head- on by slipping into a thin, comfy g-string. There ya go, feel better? That’s right. If there’s one thing my second trimester has taught me, it’s that comfort is everything.

3. I’m not “pretty for a pregnant girl.” I’m pretty. Period. I read something like this earlier this week and I couldn’t agree more. Miss Whiskey loved her body and was known for being damn proud of her curves. Why should I change my way of thinking now? I’m still in the same skin I felt sexy in for the past few years.. it’s just stretched a little. And there is no reason why I shouldn’t be proud of this sacred temple of a body; it is being used as a holy vessel to bring new life to this earth as we speak; how beautiful is that?! So there’s no way I’ll stop decorating my shrine in a way that makes me feel good. Feeling sexy, feminine and confident is healthy and good for the soul, pregnant or not.

As long as I’m not harming my baby or my body by wearing anything tight or uncomfortable, I’m sure whatever I wear should be up to me. Call it what you want, but a mother is what I’m becoming, not who I’m becoming. I’ve always taken pride in the way I present myself and that isn’t about to change. Hmm.. or maybe it comes down to the fact that you can take the girl from the stripclub, but you can’t take the stripper out of the girl.

Still… I’ve never been one to say no to underwear shopping. Shot Mum.

#teamgstring #yummymummy #stripperthongftw

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