I’m Having an Affair …With Myself.

If this had been me half a year ago I would have been half the size I am now, (but cared more about my looks,) been working most nights, (at a job I wasn’t totally happy with,) and sitting opposite my now ex boyfriend, (who I was very unhappy with). I would have been complaining about the service, the music and the food in this Italian restaurant. I would have eaten in a hurry and been in a rush to leave.

Instead I’m spoiling myself with a large bowl of the best spaghetti I’ve ever tasted, with my eyes on the lychee sorbet I plan on scoffing straight afterwards. And I don’t have to share with anybody or be anywhere else but in this moment. I’m alone at this table for two. But that doesn’t mean I’m lonely. In fact, my best friend is with me as always, and he seems to be enjoying the food as much as I do, judging by the wiggling on the right hand side of my tummy.

Whether you’re single or married, widowed or in the honeymoon phase of your latest relationship, I seriously recommend, I demand you take some time out for yourself one afternoon this week. Afternoons are perfect. Morning duties are done and dusted and dinner doesn’t have to be on for a while. It’s that in- between time of day where, if you take a break from it, everyone else seems to be busy carrying out their tasks for the day and your little corner of the universe just quietens down a little, enough for a hot bath or a plate of spaghetti.

Pick an activity from my list below. Give it a go. You owe it to yourself.

Selfish Spaghetti The reason I suggest spaghetti is because it’s a filling, feel-good, hearty meal. Put that knife down. Give it all the slurp you got! Who cares if you came in white and leave in red? It doesn’t even matter if you barely get any of it in your gob. Just really enjoy the parts you do swallow! Savor the tastes and smells of each bite. Perving at the sexy Italian waiter is also totally acceptable.

The Spinster Try and remember the first cocktail you ever ordered at a bar. That’s what you’re drinking this afternoon. I don’t care if it’s the most ridiculous beverage to be consuming at 3pm on your own at the local pub- you’re doing it, my friend. Reminisce over the first time you went clubbing or what you used to wear to bars. Embarrassed? Good. Laughing at ourselves preserves our sanity. 

Backstreet Bookworm Find your nearest little secondhand bookstore. Every town’s got one hidden down an alley somewhere. Pick out some good old fashioned erotic literature. Dust it off. Have a read whilst snacking on a bar of chocolate and don’t you dare feel one bit guilty for it.

Pamper Paws Now, getting anal bleaching or your hoo-ha waxed are totally out of the question and strictly banned this afternoon. Remember, this is 100% about you. I suggest you get a foot massage. No one carries your weight, (stress is a heavy thing,) or feels your tiredness but you. And our poor, neglected feet suffer more than we think. Go get those babies all loved up.

Scrub-a-dub-Love No, the kids aren’t allowed to jump in with you, and neither is the dog. Try filling the tub with rose petals, sticks of cinnamon or vanilla, milk, honey or lavender. Chuck on some classical music and let the worries of your week melt away.

Bake Away Your Blues You don’t have to be a master chef in the kitchen. But try baking something yummy and sugary and really super naughty. Lick the spoon. Eat as much as you can, without worrying about saving some for anyone else.

Taking time out to just be on our own is a crucial part of a happier life. It’s a break from the little worries which can so easily pile up on us. It reminds us of our independence and our ongoing love affair with ourselves. It teaches us the importance of appreciating the little things. You deserve to feel good every day; you don’t need anyone else to give you that feeling. Never fall out of love with yourself, you sexy thing, you.


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