WTF Did I Just Drink?

Goodbye, second trimester. And good riddance! Not long to go now, and I must say I am so proud of my baby for staying put this long. Keepin my legs closed…

Time to welcome the third and final chapter of my pregnancy, bringing along with it happiness, excitement, and, lo and behold; more morning sickness! (Can you imagine my excitement?) Well. Can’t say I saw that coming.

Thank you, lady on the bus behind me this morning. Really? You’re wearing five different perfumes today? Oh my, you shouldn’t have. …No, seriously. You reek and I feel like hurling all over your patchouli- infused cardigan.

So, I’m not quite sure how much sense this post is making. I haven’t eaten since lunch yesterday. My tummy wouldn’t allow it and I wasn’t able to eat this morning as I have this strange gestational diabetes test to do. I’m halfway through it now and it seems to be having a very strange effect on me. Trippin. Balls.

First they sit you down, ask you a bunch of questions. They hand you this drink and you’re thinkin, “Oh, lemonade? Thanks! Don’t mind if I do.” But it’s all lies and before you know it you’ve started downing this gut- wrenching toxin which tastes like a sweet drink which has been sitting in your Grandma’s pantry for the past twenty two years. And you have five minutes to get the entire contents of that ghastly bottle in your guts.

If being force- fed this gross liquid (without throwing up,) isn’t bad enough already, you then have to sit still for an hour before they invade your veins with needles. Not too hard, right? Wrong. I’ve been sitting in this bright orange waiting room for fifty six minutes now, listening to a terrible radio station I’m sure was designed for being played in medical waiting rooms to annoy people like myself, gettin bitten by mosquitoes and getting kicked in the tummy by my hyperactive child on some crazy sugar rush from hell. What’s worse is the syrup seems to be making me dizzy and itchy and I feel so light headed from not eating. I feel like the room is moving and everything. Is. Hilarious.

The sunrise outside looks like marshmallows and I would like to eat it now please.



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